DNSN noticing
Today took of with a bang; a complete replay of the tantrum of thursday night. Jae lost it, and I ended up trying to shield Gi from his anger. A bad scene all around. We need a new approach; I’ll be taking this one to the forum. We did come out of it relatively unscathed, and proceeded to move on with our day. DNSN, however, was pretty much over. After the blowout of the morning, it was all I could do to keep my equilibrium. The rest of the day was good all around, until the evening. Gi is definitely working the defiance, which drives Jae crazy and leaves me at a loss of how to respond. I’d like to figure out how to send the message that it’s not an effective strategy, but I haven’t quite determined the best way to do that. It feels like a strange way to be ending this week, but perhaps it’s just more good information.
A few key points from the week:
1: I enjoy my children (and myself) so much more, when I don’t worry about what they are (or are not) doing.
2: I definitely believe that if I don’t make things happen in the house, nothing will happen.
3. When I can’t directly direct, I easily slip into other, subtler ways of interfering. Suggesting seems to be my current fave.
4. I have a deep-seated habit of ‘saving’ my children. It is unconscious, and I have to be hyper-aware to even notice when I’m doing it. Not doing it is almost painful. To make this change that will take immense willpower.
5. Izzy will do for himself in the kitchen if left alone, but he will never dress or undress himself without direction and/or help.
6. Gi will get dressed and undressed, and will wash himself, but will not often (although he will sometimes) help himself in the kitchen (unless sugar is involved.)
7. The space created by my backing off is beneficial for the entire family dynamic.
8. I notice that I experience a visceral response against having aggressive, confrontational, authoritarian reactions to my children’s behavior. I may still have these reactions, but it feels awful, and I have specific negative body responses when I do (restricted throat, tight jaw, clenched stomach, headache…) Yuck.
I’m really looking forward to taking this information with me as we move on to Buttons…..
Wow, that a boatload of phenomenal stuff. Hoping we can do a restart of the 12 weeks here in CT soon.
| Posted 1 year, 7 months agoThanks! It’s so great to do it again (and again); you won’t regret it!
| Posted 1 year, 7 months agoIt seems like you and I have quite a bit in common. Right down to the directing/suggesting…I was trying to figure out tonight if I cheated on DNSN by asking each of the kids, “Are you ready for me to tuck you in now?”
| Posted 1 year, 7 months agoOoh, isn’t it tough to lay off that stuff? So so so difficult for me. And now, being done with DNSN, It’s really challenging for me to figure out where the lines are for shutting my mouth. I’m taking baby steps, and if that’s where I am right now, I’m ok with that. I’ve seriously eliminated 95% of my yelling, and that feels huge. Reminding and suggesting…. that will take me a bit longer.
| Posted 1 year, 6 months ago